In both my book and in my article The Road to Belief in God, I write about my mother being viewed as an adulteress by the Catholic Church. I am going to recap that story here and finish it.
My mother was a Catholic who married a Protestant. My dad had previously married a Catholic but divorced her when she committed adultery with another man that she later married.
The Catholic Church did not recognize my dad’s divorce because they had married in the Catholic Church. My mom was viewed very negatively by her priest. He would not allow her to go to communion. She was viewed as a sinner by the church. She had no way out. Perpetually reminded of her sinful status in the eyes of the priest and the church.
The church doctrine really screwed me over too. I identified with my mother. So, I ended up hating the priest. The church had a doctrine that gave no consideration to the child. Kids do not understand. I identified with my mom because she was the one who showed me love. Not my father. She was being hurt by the priest and the church. I saw her being humiliated by the church. My mom the adulteress. Never able to go to communion. Disgraced and marked as a sinner by the church forever. I was forced to witness it every time I was in church. The church did not give a dam about her feelings or my feelings. It had policies of men like any other large institution. The problem for me is they said it was God.
I left the church in my late teens never having seen my mother go to communion. F the priest. F the church was my attitude. I was very angry. I am being very honest with you by saying F to make the point on my feelings. In order for you to heal you must be able to confront your feelings honestly.
I did not know the end of the story until after I wrote my book.
It was Christmas Eve and my younger brother Don shared the wonderful details.
After I left home Don went to a Catholic high school. He was an altar boy. He was able to get some priests involved in trying to help my mom’s situation. One of the priests explained what needed to be done. My mom needed to get my dad’s first marriage annulled for her to get back her good Catholic status with the church. That would require a statement from my dad’s first wife admitting she had been unfaithful. The church would then recognize the divorce was justified. My dad’s first wife did not give a dam any longer about the Catholic Church and didn’t care about my mom and refused to do it.
Here is when I learned of the good priest. This one priest had enough. Justice and compassion in the heart of another human being was about to prevail. This priest saw my mother had suffered for decades. He knew he would need to be the one to set things right. He let out his emotions in front of my brother and said F it. The full four-letter word. He had enough of the situation. This priest was going to finally end my mother’s suffering. There finally was a man of God that had compassion for my mom. He explained to my brother that this paperwork requirement was a law the church had made and was not a sacred law. So, he felt my mother was justified in being able to go to communion. My brother said she would not go to communion without him telling her it was ok. So, the priest told my mom that she could go to communion and then went to her priest and got him to agree to it. Decades of suffering over.
I am so grateful for what this good priest did.
On the first Sunday she could go back to communion, my brother Don was there. She went down the aisle beaming with pride as she received the blessed sacrament. No longer the eternal woman of sin. No longer disgraced and unworthy before the whole church. Finally accepted back into the church’s grace.
I am sure Jesus was smiling too.
I did not know this until after my mom had died. I had carried so much anger. I loved her. We can carry deep scars from men that are not due to God. To know what this good priest did finally also gave me peace.
Thank you, dear Catholic priest of God.